Last night I (yes, foolishly!) decided to do some reading about my condition. And treatment. Oh those Damn Internets! What a fucking horrible place for one with a hole in the wrong place and questions on the lips. I sat in slack-jawed wonder reading tales of really horrible things happening to people with the the same condition as I. Went to bed puffy-eyed and shaking, and eventually slept, dreaming of hundreds of strangers ransacking my parents house and flooding rooms in the name of "partying". This, little did I know, mirrored the party that this day has been. I went to the doctor this morning, whereupon I waited nearly two hours before I was seen. Inflated with grotesque notions, he played some of them out for me and the fears came back and I got slightly hysterical and then he joked about calling my boyfriend "my fiancé" and I wanted to punch him. And then he told me I would have to see yet another specialist. A colorectal surgeon character. And further did I fill with joy till I narry burst. Describing with a sketch, the wheres and hows of all the things I never wished to imagine being cut and rearranged, they were all there in ballpoint ink before me.
So I made an appointment to see the Ass Doctor. Next week. Just to chat and sign consent forms, as Ass Doctor and Special Crotch Doctor will be ganging up on me for surgery together, hopefully before the end of September. Special diet forthcoming. More antibiotics. 6 weeks to recover. Blah blah. Bah.
copper age © Laura Kicey. All Rights Reserved.
I'm terrified of missing a lot of work. Of things not healing. It coming back. The word mutilation. That is me up there, scowling or looking tough or something. On Monday. When I didn't feel tough at all. Actually I think under the hair I look like a wuss. Probably.
There are still a few hours left to this day. Mr. Dust is taking me for Korean. He hates Korean. But I love it and I need to stock up on spicy for while I can still eat solid things of any description. And there will be ice cream. I hear it makes almost everything better. Remaining hopeful of that.