still life

still life © Laura Kicey

I did what seemed like the most horrible, hurtful thing today, to someone I am very close to. I said something true. And pointed. With absolutely nothing to soften it. And banged it in with a 2'x4'. And for about an hour, most of which I spent sobbing at what I had done, I thought I had lost them.

But somehow this was not the case, though the mascara clinging to the chin told a different story. I've felt what seems like a huge shift in every relationship in the past week. Talking with people I don't normally, not talking with those I normally do... when I go out for a walk, I feel like I can't see, I come home without a single shot. I stay in and try to do something creative. I pace around. Try cleaning stuff up. Exhausted. A frantic standstill.

Perhaps in my flickr blackout I really did turn out the lights.